Day 4: What Is True Love?

True love. To me, true love is not the same as unconditional love. Your mother and God are about the only 2 entities that can truly love you unconditionally. Maybe your dog. :) True love to me usually denotes romantic love and is a love that is slowly built over time, and stands the tests of time...but it is indeed TESTED. It doesn't mean that you will stay together NO MATTER WHAT, because there are some "whats" that "matter" enough that someone whom you "truly loved" should no longer have the privilege of being a part of your life.

This leads me to reminisce about my first and only true love. Decades later, I still cannot imagine caring so passionately (even when the butterflies were gone) or so deeply for another human being (barring my children-which I have not had the pleasure of creating just yet). I still remember the moment I fell in love with him. We were riding in his teal blue trans-am, flying down the highway with Moments In Love by The Art of Noise crooning over the noisy wind that was rushing in, enveloping us through the open windows.  I remember looking at him, and him smiling back at me, and my heart leapt with joy. i knew then, he would have my heart, or at least a piece of it...forever.

I still think to myself how he was the first guy to really reciprocate genuine care and concern for me. He would try to fix my car, or lend me his if mine was broken. He'd take care of me when I was sick, and vice versa. We traveled together. He was always showing me new places and things. Constantly broadening my little horizon. He got along great with both of my parents. He taught me what credit was, and helped to build mine, by letting me be on his credit cards (whilst I  totally unemployed).  He trusted me. He had a very loving, genuine, and innocent spirit.

I wish he wouldn't have changed. Alas, that is what we all do. We're human. We can't help it.  It comes with the territory. If we never changed, we'd never grow. Some of us change for the better, some of us for the worse. Without going into gory details, he broke my heart.  Most of use have experienced heartbreak---it's what you do afterwards that is the true test. Will you let the experience embitter you, and render you emotionally imprisoned by the pain? Will you crucify the next man for the last man's sins? Or will you pick up the broken pieces of your heart, dust them off, put them back together and make it just a little bit larger, to experience an even greater love the next time?

 Like many of us in our youth, I didn't know then what I know now. Not a tenth! LOL! I didn't know my worth, and I'd never loved like that before, so losing him felt like I was losing a piece of myself.  Literally. Like having to willingly cut off a piece of my own flesh. That in and of itself was the problem. I had lost myself in him. I  lost myself in a man because I didn't know nor did I truly value who I was, and felt incomplete. I didn't know that then, but that's what had happened. The other thing that was missing at that point in my life was God. I did not include Him in ANY of what I was doing at that time. He was completely absent in my life. He was an afterthought. I had no time for Him.

I was not in an emotional or mature enough state to have even have entertained the idea of engaging in a romantic relationship at that point in my life. I learned a lot from it. It sounds cliche, but I truly feel a lot of my mistakes I've made regarding men and relationships stemmed from the lack of a healthy, loving relationship as a child with my father. We are very close now, and I thank God often,  as I am grateful for the loving relationship we now have. I think a paragraph from my book best conveys my sentiments on this subject:

"In closing, I’d like to say to fathers-love your daughters, with all your heart.  Treat them with respect, dignity and compassion. Listen to them, intently. Protect them and their worth fiercely, as if your life depends on it, as theirs likely will one day. Celebrate and support them always so that they don’t go looking for that love in all the wrong places like I have. A father’s love, encouraging words, touch and guidance are paramount to building his daughter’s self esteem, confidence, and educating and preparing her for healthy relationships with men. Your love is the foundation of her love for all men to come into her life. Make it a sturdy, strong, healthy foundation. Also, even more importantly, it will serve as failsafe blueprint to check herself against during times of confusion, to  help her to recognize EARLY ON when she is not being treated as she should be by men and when someone is not worthy of her and her time, so that she may detach herself completely and quickly from men and relationships that would serve no other purpose than to hurt and demoralize the valuable, beautiful, loving woman that she is.  Your unwaivering love will help her to retain, and even more importantly always remember her worth."

©2012

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”